1 out of 6 boys will be sexually abused before they turn 18 years. This sexual assault can come in different forms and majority of the perpetrators are male themselves. Though older girls and women also abuse young boys, but the men and older boys are the ones who abuse younger boys the most.
The worst part of male sexual abuse is that the victim hardly talks about it or report it to anybody. They can be abused for years and won’t talk until they save themselves from the abuser or are saved by external forces from it without anyone knowing. The victims find it difficult to talk about it. Shame and denial often do not let them speak up and most times they don’t even know who to talk to. They cannot talk to their mother because it is like a “taboo” subject. And their father who might understand them if they open up is often not available. Their father is very busy looking for what the family will eat and so spend less time at home to effectively communicate and bond with the boy child.
This issue of sexual abuse against the boy child is an issue we need to pay attention to. As a child life coach and counselor, I hear so much about sexual assault against boys and it often breaks my heart. Parents, teachers, care givers, guardian and everyone involved in a child’s life, please be at alert and safe the boy child from sexual predators. They are all over the place. Let’s be vigilant. It is our responsibility to defend and protect every child from sexual abuse including the boy child. Let’s not pay too much attention to the girl child and forget that the boy child still need the attention because he is still a boy and cannot protect himself from sexual abuse except we empower him to.
FORMS OF BOY CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE
The sexual assault against boys can come in different forms. These include:
1. MouthAction: Most heterosexual men and women who sexually abuse young boys will make the boys perform MouthAction on them. The male predators will ask the boys to give them Mouth Action until they climax. The female predators will ask the boys to lick their vaginal and suck their breast until they climax. They might not touch the boy at all or force themselves on the boys but use the boys as a intimacy gadgets to satisfy their sexual urges.
2. Vaginal sex: Female sexual predators that abuse boys will make or force the boys to have sexual intercourse with them. They will sexually manipulate the boys to have erection and make them to have sex with them. This often happen between an older girl or woman and a younger boy.
3. Anal sex: This is the most terrible and devastating sexual assault against boys. It is painful, dehumanizing and a “taboo” sort of sexual act that leave the victim traumatized. The perpetrators are usually homosexual men who are sexually attracted to boys. These sexual predators will usually forcefully rape the boys in their anus. It often leads to bleeding and tear of the anus because the anus is not a place where an erected penis is supposed to enter. This is a terrible form of male sexual abuse that can physically and psychologically devastate the boy child
4. handling: Here we have the sexual predators which can be male or female always handling with the private part of the boy. They derive pleasure in playing with the penis and buttocks of boys. Most times they will handle the boy’s penis until the boy climax before they will leave him. While they are doing this, they can be masturbating themselves to derive the sexual pleasure that they desire.
5. Other form of boy child sexual abuse includes exposing the boy child to pornography, masturbation, voyeurism, exhibitionism etc. Some even go to the extent of taking naked pictures of the boy child to be used for different purpose including commercial and even to blackmail the boy not to talk and always conform when they demand for sex.
WHO ARE THE PREDATORS?
People who sexual abuse the boy child can be found everywhere including schools, families, sport clubs, recreation centers, voluntary organisations, religious institutions etc. Most times the predators are not only adults, they can be teenagers and even children of same age with the child. The boy child sexual predators include:
1. Pedophiles: A pedophile is a person suffering from pedophilia which is a psychiatric disorder in which an adult or older adolescent is sexually attract to young children. Male pedophiles will be sexually attracted to young boys and try molests them sexually.
2. Homosexuals: Homosexuals are those people who are sexually attracted to people of the same sex. Majority of the reported cases of sexual abuse against boys are perpetrated by homosexuals most especially the once that involve anal sex. Homosexuals who are pedophiles will sexually assault boys because they are the ones that are easy to get and cannot physically defend themselves against the assault. These homosexuals can be found everywhere and can be teachers, doctors, care givers, pastors, imam, relatives, parents, guardians etc
3. Heterosexuals: These are males and female sexual predators that are sexually attracted to the boy child. They could be teachers, house helps, relatives, siblings, parents, coaches, spiritual leaders, doctors, nurses, caregivers etc
So the boy child sexual predators can be anyone. Parents have been known to sexually abuse their own boy child. Teachers include private home teachers have done worst. House-help are top on the list here. Master who younger boys are learning trade/vocationally skills from informally, are also on the list. We also have coaches who teach boys sport and those people who own correctional centres for young people. The list goes on.
PLACES WHERE MALE SEXUAL ABUSE ARE VERY COMMON
Parents please watch out for your boy child. There are some places where the risk of male sexual abuse is very high and prevalent. These include:
1. Boarding schools: Schools with boarding/hostel facilities, most especially the ones own by the State and Federal Government is a breeding ground for boy-child to boy-child sexual abuse. Here it is very common for students to be the predators. While teachers are also involved, the students are the worst here. You will have students who call themselves “school father” and “senior prefect” sexually abusing those in younger class. They usually pick their new victims from students that are newly admitted into junior class. They will threaten these JJC (Johnny Just Come) boys into silence and sexually abused them in manners words cannot say. In the process, these boys will become addicted to the sexual act and become predators themselves, abusing other (JJC) who are just admitted into the school. And the circle goes on. Parents if you have kids in public boarding school please educate them properly on the need to talk/report to you if anything like that is happening or wants to happen. Make them to know that it is not their fault and give them the necessary help they need to heal.
2. Camp meetings: Camp meetings organized by voluntary organisations, religious institutions etc are also a breeding ground for boy-child to boy-child sexual abuse. In the camp, the boys are made to sleep together, bath together and do other things together. While it helps them to socialize and build their social skills, it is an avenue for sexual predators that are much older and stronger to abuse the timid and younger ones. During the night while sleeping together or when they are bathing together, is when they perpetrate the crime. And often the victim will not talk and the perpetrators will go scot-free. Some camp masters who are pedophiles and homosexuals also use this golden opportunity to abuse as many boys as they can before the camp meeting is over.
3. Voluntary organisations like Boy Scout, Man ‘O’ War, Boys’Brigade etc are also places where the boy child are often sexually abused both by older boys and their instructors/masters.
4. Correctional homes/facilities: A correctional home is a place where they take children most especially boys that are badly behaved and involved in social vices like drugs, stealing etc. They are own by the government and some religious institutions. These correctional home has been known to be a place where boy are sexually abused by their teachers/correctors and guardians. In recent times, most correctional homes own my some Islamic organisations were shut down because of report of diverse kind of abuse meted to the boys kept there with sexual abuse topping the list. Parents if you have a child that has problems that you cannot handle and you take them to a correctional home, please from time to time, check on them to make sure that they are not being abused. Don’t abandon them there.
5. Sports Club: Sports club like football clubs, tennis club and other athletic clubs for boys are also common ground where young boys are sexually abused. These boys are usually abused by their coach/instructors who might be homosexuals and pedophiles.
6. Orphanage/foster homes: Most of these orphanage homes that are not properly run and managed are also places where boys are sexually abused by their foster parents or guardian. In this case, the boys don’t even have anyone to report to because they are orphans. Their guardian, who is supposed to be protecting them, will be the ones sexually molesting them. And this will continue until the boys grow up and gain their freedom by leaving the orphanage home.
7. Special need school/facilities: These are places where they provide assistant and professional support to children who have special needs or are physically challenged like the blind, deaf, dumb, crippled, autistic etc. In these kind of places where the boy child is physically challenged, the rate of sexual abuse is very high and the perpetrators are usually the owners and care givers who might be pedophiles or homosexuals
8. Other places where the boy child sexual abuse often occurs include: at home (most especially during holidays), in the school, in the neighbourhood where boys go to play etc
SIGNS THAT A BOY CHILD IS BEING SEXUALLY ABUSED
There are some signs that parents and others involved in child developmental activities can watch out for inorder to know if a child is going through sexual abuse. While it might be difficult to get the child to talk, these signs can be a pointer.
1. Bleeding and sore in the anus.
2. Physical pains associated with difficulties in excreting or sitting down.
3. Avoiding certain people or places
4. Start asking questions and feeling concern about sexual orientation.
5. Going back to younger behaviours e.g bedwetting.
6. Sleeping problems, nightmares, eating disorders, anxiety and depression.
7. Secrecy and always isolating oneself.
8. Unecessary outburst of anger and rebellion.
9. Falling grades in school
10. Cruelty to animals, bullying, self harm of any kind.
11. Use of alcohol or drugs
12. Chronic stomach pain and headaches.
13. Always mention a new freiend, older friend and unexplained money or gift items.
14. Sexually transmitted disease (STD)
WHY BOYS DON’T REPORT SEXUAL ABUSE
It is not common to have boys report or tell anyone that they are being sexually abused. It will take a boy-child that is well informed and properly trained on child sexual abuse prevention, to report an abuse no matter who it is coming from. This is one reason why parents and guardian must take time to train the boy-child on child sexual abuse and how to prevent it. If they are well informed and empowered to report it, there is every tendency that an abuse will be prevented before it even occurs or prevented from getting worse. The following are some of the reasons why boys don’t report sexual abuse.
1. Remembering: Boys often tend to cope with the trauma of sexual abuse by trying to push the experience to the back of their memory inorder to forget about it. Talking about the abuse is like reliving it and feeling hurt again. This is usually the case when the boy-child is raped through the anus.
2. Loss of love: Children especially the boy-child worries about reporting an abuse because they don’t want to loose the love of their parents or guardian. They feel that once they are abuse, they become “dirty”. If they now report the abuse to their parents, they will not love them again because they are now “dirty”. This often make boys to keep quiet and keep trying to endure an abuse or try to forget about it if it is a one time occurrence.
3. Separation from family: Most time the boy-child will not report an abuse because they don’t want to be taken away from their family. They feel that if they report and it is found out to be true, their parents or guardian might take them to another home or place to stay. Because they don’t want that separation, they would rather not report.
4. Shame and guilt: Boys do know that having any form of sexual act with an adult or older adolescent is wrong and shameful most especially if they are of the same sex. They feel shameful to openly say another boy or man rapes them or even a girl or woman rape them. They older boys will often feel guilty about the whole thing. Because of the feeling of shame and guilt, they would rather keep quiet.
5. Blame: Some boys do not report sexual abuse because they feel that if they report, they would be blamed for the abuse. They feel they will be blamed for allowing it to happen or putting themselves in the position or place for it to happen. Most adult do blame children when an abuse occur instead of condemning the act and blaming the abuser. This often does not make boys report.
6. Harm: It is always common to have sexual predators threaten their victims to harm them or even kill them if they report to anyone. They instill so much fear on the child that makes him to keep quiet because he does not want to be harmed by the abuser.
7. Blackmail: Most boys will not report sexual abuse because they are being blackmailed by their abuser. The abuser will look for a crime the child must have committed or something bad the child has done and do not want anyone to know about or they might have taken pornographic pictures of the child and use it to blackmail him and because the child does not want anyone to know about it for fear of being punished, he will keep quiet and allow the abuse to continue.
8. Deny of privilege: Most boys will not report an abuse because they do not to be denied some privileges they enjoy like special gifts, money and other form of assistance they might be getting from the abuser. Some abuser will threaten the child that if he report, he will not be allowed to be part of the group or participate in a competition or occupy a particular position etc
HOW TO PREVENT BOY CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE
In preventing male sexual abuse, information and communication is the key. A child who is well informed about child sexual abuse and empowered to report when it occurs will likely not be abused. The best way to protect a child is to empower him to protect himself. And empowering them involves letting them know what they need to know about sexual abuse and how to prevent it. While no child is immune against sexual abuse, they can prevent it when it wants to occur. Here is how:
1. Teach the boy child the rules for personal safety against sexual abuse. These rules are:
Rule 1: It is NEVER all right for someone to TOUCH, LOOK or TALK about one’s private body parts. It is never alright for someone older or bigger to ask you to TOUCH, LOOK or TALK about their private body part.
Rule 2: If someone tries to break this rule, say “NO” and RUN AWAY.
Rule 3:Tell someone you trust and keep telling until you get the necessary help.
2. Talk to the boy child about body parts early. Name body parts and talk about them very early to your boy. Use proper names for body parts, or at least teach your child what the actual words are for their body parts. Feeling comfortable using these words and knowing what they mean can help a child talk clearly if something inappropriate has happened.
3. Teach them that some body parts are private: Tell your boy child that their private parts are called private because they are not for everyone to see. Explain that mommy and daddy can see them naked if they are still young, but people outside of the home should only see them with their clothes on. When they get older and become adolescent, mommy or daddy is not supposed to see them naked. Private parts for the boy child include penis, scrotum, buttocks, anus, perineum, mous pubis and groin
4. Tell your child that body secrets are not okay: Most perpetrators will tell the boy child to keep the abuse a secret. This can be done in a friendly way, such as, “I love playing with you, but if you tell anyone else what I did to you, I will not give your gifts again.” Or it can be a threat: “This is our secret. If you tell anyone I will beat you or kill you” Tell your boy child that no matter what anyone tells them, body secrets are not okay and they should always tell you if someone tries to make them keep a body secret.
5. Tell your boy child that no one should take pictures of their private parts: This one is often missed by parents. There is a whole sick world out there of pedophiles who love to take and trade pictures of naked children online. This is an epidemic and it puts your child at risk. Tell your boys that no one should ever take pictures of their private parts. Predators can even use these pictures to blackmail the child.
6. Teach your boy child how to get out of scary or uncomfortable situations: Some children are uncomfortable with telling people “no”— especially older peers or adults. Tell them that it’s okay to tell an adult they have to leave, if something that feels wrong is happening, and help give them words to get out of uncomfortable situations. Tell your child that if someone wants to see or touch his private parts they can tell them that they need to leave to go use the rest room.
7. Tell your boy child they will never be in trouble if they tell you a body secret: Boys often tell me that they didn’t say anything because they thought they would get in trouble, too. This fear is often used by the perpetrator. Tell your child that no matter what happens, when they tell you anything about body safety or body secrets they will NEVER get in trouble.
8. Tell your boy child that these rules apply even with people they know and even with another child: This is an important point to discuss with your child.
